Monday, October 29, 2007
Research blog
I got a lot of good feedback on my paper from the people who read it. I felt it was well written for a rough draft but I really want to get an interview with someone so my paper really stands out. I think everthing else is set it just needs that extra element in the paper. I have found that Microsoft Works has to be the worst thing to format with in the world. A lot of my paper it finished. I feel I have a great start it just needs something but I can't really say what that is with the exception of the interview. The people who read my paper told me that I had good stats and my intro and conclusion were solid, I just need that interview. The first sentence of the paper really pulls the reader in I think that has to be the best part by far.
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I agree with your peers Josh, your paper is one of the better rough drafts out there. You have plenty of information and it all works to answer your questions. I think the one thing you really want to work on is your transitions from paragraph to paragraph and idea to idea. A good example would be on page 4 where you start to talk about fast food chains and kids. With the paragraph before you talk about snacking, can you tie the main idea behind those two different pieces of information.
I wouldn't worry about an interview, I'd focus more on shaping and reworking your paper. Fix up some sentences, etc.
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